A Beautiful Honoring

I was blessed to be a part of a viewing this weekend. I assisted a fellow death doula at a service she helped coordinate for a family she had been working with. An elder gentleman, Jim we will call him, passed unexpectedly in the hospital a few days prior. My colleague had supported the family while in the hospital; processing the news, making decisions as medical information was revealed, and finally through his transition. This all happened over the course of just a couple weeks. The family was in shock. They are a large Phillipino family and lots of aunties and uncles and cousins showed up to honor their family member who has passed. The immediate family, the wife and daughter, wanted to honor their father and husband in a way that was unique to him. So, with the help of the death doula, they planned a viewing of his body at a funeral home. They wanted the time to really feel like Jim, who was an easy going guy who loved 80s music and karaoke. When Jim wasn’t out kareoking, he was home playing 80s music and singing along. The death doula along with the family, made a beautiful playlist of all Jim’s favorite music and played it during the two hour viewing. Family and friends trickled into the funeral home chapel room where Jim’s body lay in an open casket. Each came to pay their respects and say goodbye in whatever way was meaningful to them. The death doula brought flowers and notecards for people to write messages and place in the casket with Jim, if that felt meaningful to them. People were also invited to place a flower in with Jim. His favorite color was purple, so there were lots of purple flowers. I was there to greet the family as they entered, pass out programs, and make sure they knew what to expect for the next two hours. There were no formal speeches or prayers, just each invited to honor Jim in their own way. But also together as a family.

Mostly I was there to hold loving space for this grieving family. After I did my duty of greeting each one and explaining the flowers and the notecards, my real work began. I sat in the back of the room and grounded myself and invited the loving presence of God/Source/The Divine, whatever you want to call it, to guide and support the family as they grieved and loved on Jim. And to help him complete his transition. There are many different beliefs, but one is that the Spirit can lingerer days or even weeks between realms. I stayed still and steady, while my heart blasted open and I witnessed a beautiful honoring of Jim. The room was intimate and with all ages of people, each allowing their grief and sadness to rise and fall. Coming up to the surface to be felt and then out of the body to be released. All the while, 80s rock music playing in the background.