Letting Go of Overdoing: The Path to True Connection

This is a follow-up to my last blog post “My Holiday Secret”.

I wanted to share more about how I have come to this place of doing less during a very busy time—and living this way as a lifestyle. Doing less when everyone else is doing more, how’s that for an exciting challenge? A few years ago, I began to notice my tendency to overdo during the holidays, for example. I had to keep up all the traditions because, well, who was I, and where did I fit in if I didn’t? And besides, I just had to, right? It’s what we do. It’s what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t change things on my kids at this point, could I? I knew I was doing too much, and I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t sure how to get out of this rut.

Slowly, I began to realize that doing less didn’t mean doing nothing—it meant being more intentional with my time and energy. For example, I started saying ‘no’ to social obligations that didn’t truly align with my values, and instead, I made more room for quiet time at home, with my family, or for self-care practices. I stopped over-committing to things just because they were expected and began choosing what actually brought me joy and fulfillment. It wasn’t easy, but with time, I learned how to set healthy boundaries, focus on what mattered most, and, most importantly, be rather than always do."

In my last blog, I shared about my longing for my roots in the PNW.

My old pattern of overdoing isn’t always specific to the holidays or a longing for my family and childhood friends. It wasn’t until I started living more consciously that I began to understand that all the doing in the world wouldn’t take away those feelings.

This is very layered. It’s our societal conditioning to want more things—the bigger house, the nicer cars—more things will make us happy! So we come by it honestly. We have been taught this way of living. And personally, when I look deeper, I can see that my overdoing was also a way I was trying to be seen and liked. And not just by others—liked by myself. If I just do more, produce more, and achieve more, then I will be worthy. Then I will be enough. It wasn’t until I slowed down in life that I was even able to notice these tendencies. I also noticed that my old pattern of overdoing was really a longing for connection. Connection to myself and to others. But ultimately, connection to myself. Slowly, qualities about myself that I wanted to change, and felt hopeful I could change, began to emerge in my meditations, my breathwork sessions, and my therapy sessions. And I was ready to acknowledge these shortcomings because I knew a richer way of life was on the other side of healing. I would talk it out with a professional, breathe it out with a facilitator, dance it out, shake it out—using all my learned somatic tools to process and release these feelings of unworthiness that no longer served me! I still do this when something comes up for me and I notice a nagging feeling that wants my attention.

And this is why I do what I do today. I am a practitioner for my clients, and I am a student as well. Forever. I have used and continue to use all of the modalities I now teach people for my own healing. I can personally attest to these tools completely changing my life.

And this is what I want you to know…

Feelings are not forever. If you decide to feel into a sadness that has been nagging you, it won’t last forever. Feelings just want to be felt, and then they can move on. It’s really not as scary as we think! Feeling the feelings really and truly does open up more space and room for experiencing more joy. I know this to be true. Since I have learned how to allow all feelings and all parts of me to be seen and felt, I have more capacity for celebration and joy in my life.