We Are Not Who We Think We Are
We are not our ego
I met my ego in a breathwork session recently. I was the client, and my teacher and mentor was facilitating the session for me. It's a must-do for any practitioner to walk their talk. That’s not why I do it, though—I do it because breathwork is a necessity for myself, helping me move through any stuckness and into new levels of healing and abundance. It stretches me out of my comfort zone and into the next phase or opportunity for growth and expansion. But this is not why I wanted to write this blog. I wanted to share my experience of squaring up with my ego because it was really quite a trip! It was SO clear.
I have read all the books, I know about the ego, I know I am not my ego, I know I am the awareness of my ego. The ego is just part of our mind that essentially creates our personality based on desires, fears, and a need for self-validation. In truth, it gives us a false sense of self, covering up our deeper consciousness. (I highly recommend The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer if you want a deeper dive into this topic.)
Intellectually, I know all of this. I know that we are confronted with people and situations that trigger us into healing different parts of ourselves. I’ve experienced this a lot. I am trained in this. But in this breathwork session, I was shown so clearly that I am not my ego, nor does my ego define me. I was shown so boldly that I do not (and should not!) have to listen to it!
In the beginning of my session, I shared with my mentor a situation that had happened recently involving another person. I felt fairly neutral about this situation, but I knew there was still something nagging me—something left to be processed or uncovered about it. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have come up in the session, right?
The thing I love about doing one-on-one private breathwork sessions is that I typically don’t get too into the nitty-gritty details of something unless I’m really ruminating or unclear about it, in which case I can. Usually, I just download enough to release and get clarity, and then once we’re into the breathing part, the breath does the work. I never know exactly what is going to come up.
But this time, about three or four songs in, an energy overcame me. It wasn’t a visual, as I sometimes get during breathwork; it was just a feeling and a big presence. Something was trying to show itself. Don’t get scared—it wasn’t scary or intimidating at all. At first, it was really just a sense of clarity coming through. But then… BAM! It became completely clear. It was almost as if my ego was taunting me, saying, “HA! It’s ME, silly! It’s always been me!!! It’s not your parents, ex, cousin, coworker, neighbor—fill in the blank—IT’S ME, YOUR EGO! I am the one distracting you, trying to keep you small and safe, trying to keep you from expanding and evolving, trying to keep you simple-minded and in fear. It’s been me all along!”
Wow. I almost got giddy. In fact, I did! I felt such freedom and elation from this profound epiphany. I immediately felt lighter, and that sensation lasted the rest of the session. While I continued breathing, it felt like more of a celebration. I was moving my body more, almost dancing while breathing. Sounds were coming out of my voice, like I was singing—or trying to, at least! My heart burst open a little more as the session went on. I felt a distinct separation from my ego. I saw with clarity that we are separate, and that it is not me, and I am not it. I was free from blaming others. I was free from focusing on others. It’s always been me versus me, and no one else. What a relief! I could finally put down the blame game and just focus on myself. This was a huge revelation for me and such a gift. A gift I didn’t even know I needed or would receive that day.
Be the observer.
I learned long ago the art of being the observer, a somatic meditation practice when working with the egoic mind. It’s a practice where you imagine you are sitting above yourself and just observing yourself, or the issue itself, or the issue with a person. Breathwork practice can take this concept of being the observer to a whole new level if you let it. I know this may sound intimidating, but it’s really not. You just have to have the willingness and curiosity, and the breath will do the transformational work.
Resources
These are two of my favorite books for learning more about how to overcome the ego and detach from our looping thoughts: