Dancing With Anger

Too often, especially as women, we are not allowed to have our anger. We are taught very early on that anger is bad, unhealthy, and scary. We are told to be nice—or else we’re labeled as crazy, among other derogatory names. "Be a good girl." "Don’t speak out." "Keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself." "Don’t rock the boat."

I know personally that each time I suppressed my anger in the past, it slowly chipped away at my soul and my self-worth. I was giving away pieces of myself every time I didn’t speak up. Each time I tried to be nice or liked, but it didn’t align with my true feelings, I may have been liked—but inside, I felt awful. It took a toll on me during my younger years.

Anger is a life force. It is a real, human emotion. We were meant to feel and express anger in healthy, safe ways—with safe people. We are not meant to shut it down or suppress it. When we do, that’s when we get disease and depression.

Sometimes, if healthy anger expression hasn’t been modeled for us, we become scared of our own anger. It makes sense. Perhaps our parents, caregivers, spouses, or loved ones couldn’t handle our big feelings, so we learned to shut them down. For many of us, starting as early as childhood, we were taught that it wasn’t safe—or okay—to have our big feelings. Or any feelings at all. So, we shut it all down and fell in line, just as we were “supposed” to.

There’s so much to unlearn.

Emotions are energy in motion. They are meant to be moved through, felt, seen, acknowledged, and released—especially anger. Anger that’s stuck in the body feels awful. If you know what I’m talking about, you know what I mean. It can disrupt sleep, cause stomach aches, increase anxiety and tension—it can mess up all sorts of things. Anger is knocking at your door for a reason. Maybe it’s old anger from a past experience that’s never been acknowledged. Maybe it’s current anger that needs to be processed. Perhaps a new boundary needs to be set. Or maybe you just need to lift heavy weights to some rage-y music, take a boxing class, or throw an intense dance party to let off steam. Maybe all of the above.

Anger deserves to be seen. It helps us stand in our power. It helps us stay true to ourselves. It helps us come alive. It’s a catalyst for healing and moving forward—if we let it.

This is something I wish I had learned earlier in life. But I am so grateful that I did learn it at all. Because many women never do. All I can do now is move forward: feel it, express it, and move forward.

Modeling healthy anger expression can change the generations of young girls who are watching us. Because they are always watching.

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