The Quiet I Almost Missed
It’s a quiet Saturday morning, and I finally have some space to myself.
My house is empty except for my puppy and me. My tummy is almost fluttering with excitement at having this time to myself. The possibilities feel limitless right now.
Internally, I’m not talking about things I could do - though trust me, I’ve had to fight off the urge to spend this time checking things off my to-do list. All the extras that never seem to get done during the week. I have a gazillion phone calls to make, kids’ appointments to schedule, school supplies to order, Thanksgiving flights to book, even a vet appointment that needs to be made!
The invisible labor of women (especially moms) is endless. I know you get it.
Something I always come back to when I notice that impulse to “get things done” is what I learned from a wonderful midwife, Polli Mitglieder, and meditation teacher, Christian Wolf, during an MBSR for Childbirth course. They taught me to take massive advantage of, and find deep appreciation for, the brief rest periods. Thirty seconds is sometimes all we get between contractions during active labor!
I think of that often when I notice myself choosing between getting stuff done or soaking up rest and quiet. It helps me choose the present moment, no matter how fleeting.
So today, instead of doing all the things that never seem to get done anyway, I’m choosing to spend time with myself.
I’m choosing to really settle into this spaciousness. I’m choosing to make myself a delicious homemade oat-milk latte and cozy up on my couch - maybe just meditating and staring out the window.
(One of my passions and pleasures is espresso. Some women like handbags or jewelry; I treated myself to a fancy, commercial-grade espresso machine.)
I’m choosing this not only because I’m in need of recharging my personal battery, but also because, in truth, I have no idea how long this quiet or spaciousness will last.
In theory, I have the weekend to myself because my kids are with their dad, but in reality, that doesn’t always happen. They’re there for now, but things come up and plans change. Or they’re just older now and more mobile, and my home is always open and available to receive them.
My home runs itself. I’ve set it up that way.
I also choose, for the most part and within reason, to be available to my kids even on my “off” weekends. It’s a complicated situation, but this is how I’ve learned to care for myself and my kids at the same time. They’re old enough now that if I’m not available, they know my loving home is. But I’m still mostly available too, lol. I’m working on this. Again, it’s complicated, and also not the point of this blog.
I have to choose to be in the moment and relish my free moments and spaciousness, because I don’t know how long they’ll last. I could say it’s because of my complicated situation, but isn’t that true for everything in life?
We never know how long anything will last.
Everything is always shifting and changing. “Carpe diem” is such a cliché, but it’s true.
We don’t know how long the weather will stay the way it is. We don’t know how long our lives will last. That’s about the only thing I’m certain of: we have no idea how long each moment or each life will last.
So, for this morning, I’m choosing to sit in the quiet and spend time with myself (tuning into my heart, watching the hummingbirds) and staying here in this spaciousness until I feel full… or until I get interrupted. :)
I’ve done a lot of learning to get to this place. I’ve had a lot of contrasting experiences and many opportunities to practice choosing myself and prioritizing my rest and quiet. I’ve also gathered a lot of evidence that living the other way (not putting myself first) just isn’t sustainable.
So today, I’m choosing the pause. I’m choosing to rest, to listen, and to trust that the world can wait - just for a little while.
If you’ve been savoring this moment of quiet and want to deepen your sense of calm, I invite you to join me in a few minutes of conscious connected breathing.
This simple, guided practice helps you settle your nervous system, reconnect with your body, and fully embrace the spaciousness of the present moment. Watch the video here.
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