When the Holidays Don’t Feel Like “The Holidays”
Happy Holidays
(…or something a little different this year)
It actually doesn’t even feel like “the holidays” to me this year, and that is totally okay by me. In fact, I think it might be the exact feeling I’ve been quietly striving for over the years. All those years of scaling back, stripping away the conditioning around this season: the overspending, the over-doing, the overeating and drinking, the overall over-functioning to the max.
So many years I’ve found myself performing during the holidays - doing all the things simply because I’d been doing all the things for years. Rarely pausing long enough to feel into what I actually wanted. At the heart of it all, I was always striving for a sense of connection that somehow never arrived in the “doing” of everything.
And really… why the intensity? Why the pressure to live a certain way during these few weeks of the year?
I’m not hating on the holidays, truly. I know many people live for this season and have beautiful traditions passed down through generations. I admire that deeply. But that has never been my story. I’ve always held mixed feelings about the holidays: on one hand, so lovely and warm; on the other, stressful and strangely empty.
Why do we buy presents for people we aren’t actually close to?
Why do we gather with extended family we barely know (or don’t genuinely enjoy) simply because the calendar tells us this day is “special”?
I’ve never been able to make full sense of that.
Divorce & the Holidays: A Different Kind of Season
Being divorced adds a whole different layer to this time of year. No matter how hard I tried in the past to create new traditions and environments for my kids and me, the holidays always seemed to reflect back the simple truth: we are not the original family unit we began as. And that brings up feelings - for each of us, and at different times.
But today, I can finally say that I am completely okay with this.
I’m okay with the feelings the holidays stir up.
I’m okay with the reality that the holidays can just be another season - one with very low pressure, very few expectations, and a lot of permission to keep it simple.
I don’t need to make it grand or different.
I don’t need to perform.
I don’t need to create more than what naturally wants to exist.
I can have a lovely, intimate, meaningful, low-maintenance holiday season, and it no longer makes me sad. In many ways, divorce invited me to see the holidays through an entirely new lens.
I don’t always have my kids on Christmas Day.
And that’s okay. We can make “Christmas Day” on any day.
What matters is spending this time with people I’m genuinely close to. And some years, that simply means my kids and me. The beauty of the holidays is that they come every year (and then again the next year) offering endless opportunities for gentle “do-overs.”
Each year, I learn more about what truly feels meaningful for us.
I take it slow.
I reflect.
I unlearn.
I soften.
I don’t plan extra events or pile on commitments. Okay, maybe one outing if my daughter insists on Candy Cane Lane or something like that. But otherwise, I’ve become more of an observer of the holidays.
I am in the holidays, but not of the holidays.
I can enjoy the beauty (the lights, the coziness, the quiet) without stepping into the chaos. And honestly? It feels amazing. It took me a long time to arrive here, and an even longer time to trust that this version of the holidays is not only “enough,” but deeply nourishing.
As we move through the rest of this season, my wish for you is simple:
✨ May you experience the holidays in a way that actually feels good in your body.
✨ May you create the moments that matter and release the ones that don’t.
✨ And may the new year meet you gently, with clarity, connection, and a sense of genuine ease.
Whether your holidays are full, quiet, chaotic, or simple - I hope they feel true.
Here’s to a new year shaped by intention, softness, and the courage to live in a way that honors who you are becoming.
Warmest wishes,
Lisa
If you’re moving through this season in your own way, I recorded a short holiday message for you - one that honors all traditions, all feelings, and all people.
You’re warmly invited to watch it here and receive a moment of connection, wherever you are in the holidays.
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