What We Choose Not to Pass On in 2026
More often than not, the healthy parent gets the short end of the stick.
I know that sounds counterintuitive. And this isn’t meant to discourage those of us who are doing the work to be healthier parents. I’m here to honor, celebrate, and validate those of us who might recognize ourselves in this.
We are the ones doing the hard work (showing up for our kids in emotionally healthy ways) and yet, we often receive the hardest feelings: the meltdowns, the resistance, the pushback.
And it’s not because we’re doing something wrong.
It’s because we are safe.
Our kids know they can fall apart with us and we won’t leave.
We won’t criticize, belittle, or invalidate them. We are strong enough to hold what they bring. So they bring it.
More often than not, the healthy parent gets the short end of the stick, especially around the holidays. An unhealthy parent may feel sorry for themselves, and that can quietly create a dynamic where the kids feel obligated to make them happy or meet their emotional needs. No one rushes in to feel sorry for the healthy parent in the same way.
Sometimes, the healthy parent is the one spending time alone over the holidays - not because they are unwanted, but because they refuse to place their adult needs onto their children.
I get it. The saying “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” didn’t come out of nowhere.
So for all the healthy parents out there feeling alone, overlooked, or slighted this holiday season, I see you. I really do. I’ve been there. In some ways, I’m still there… just differently now.
The last thing in the world I want is for my kids to feel sorry for me.
I want a healthy balance: for them to see my strength and my feelings. The second-to-last thing I would ever want is for my children to feel responsible for taking care of my emotions.
If I’m feeling lonely, I might let my teenage kids know that I’m missing family and I will also make it very clear that I am okay. That I can be alone. That I can spend time with friends. That I can rest, read, sleep, and do the things that fill me up while they’re away.
I want them to know their mom is strong, resilient, human and a grown woman who can take care of herself and her own feelings.
The holidays can be hard. No matter the circumstances (divorced, married, child-free, with kids) they stir up emotions in all of us, no matter how healed we think we are.
Let’s try not to put those feelings on our children. Let’s give them the dignity of their own experience, without our projections or expectations. And let’s take care of ourselves.
Because if each of us learned to truly care for our own emotional needs as adults, the generations after us wouldn’t have to unlearn so much.
Our unhealed trauma doesn’t need to become our children’s inheritance.
They deserve better than what we were given. And hopefully, they are becoming wiser, more evolved versions of us.
As we step into a new year, my wish is simple: may we keep choosing health over guilt, truth over performance, and self-responsibility over emotional outsourcing. May we model for our children what it looks like to be whole, resourced adults, and may the year ahead bring more ease, clarity, and spaciousness for all of us.
Holding it with you,
Lisa
As we step into a new year, I invite you to pause before moving on.
Before setting intentions or letting go of the old, take a few quiet minutes to reflect on what 2025 asked of you - and what you carried with care, courage, and love.
I recorded a short, unfiltered video to help guide that reflection. You can watch it below when you’re ready.
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