Pulling Out All The Stops
Manning up these days, and boy am I grateful for all my tools.
Pulling out all the stops. I’m at an edge and I can feel it. It’s time for a trust fall.
AirPods with bilateral stimulation music. Breathwork class—my all-time favorite with Jason Amoroso and Revelation Breathwork. Group therapy with my longtime Brainspotting and somatic therapist. Epsom salt baths, my jacuzzi, my cold plunge, my sauna, my walks, my pup. Trees, any tree I can find. Grass. Working from my bed when I can. Snuggles with my daughter (my son won’t let me lol). Morning cacao, a homemade latte. Ordering in when needed. Deep breaths, lots of deep breaths. Walking, lots of walking. A couple of very close friends, but that’s about all I have space for right now. Meditation, extra meditation, and movement. Any way I can move myself and my hips to stay open and loose.
And I’m paying attention to where I’m holding it all in my body.
Right now, it’s my jaw. My jaw is tense. But man, so is my low back. My low back is really feeling it. I’m stretching every day, moving my hips, doing all the things, and it’s still bracing. It’s actually kind of amazing to notice how clearly my body is telling me, Yep, this is a lot right now.
And instead of trying to force it to relax or make it go away, I’m paying attention to it. Moving it. Breathing into it. Giving it a little more space when I notice myself tightening up again.
I would say I’m “not taking on extra,” and that is true, but it’s also kind of funny because that’s exactly why I’m here. I am taking on extra. The difference is that years ago, me taking on extra often meant martyrdom and resentment. This time it looks more like discomfort, expansion, edges, and release.
I’m not looking outside of myself to fill this, avoid this, or mask this.
I’m doing this. I’m accepting the challenge and stepping into it because, in a lot of ways, this is what I’ve been preparing for. All these years of my own trauma work. All those years of grief—and there are always more layers of grief. All these years of learning how to notice what is happening inside my body instead of abandoning myself when things get hard.
And maybe that’s one of the biggest misconceptions about nervous system work: the goal isn’t to become so regulated that nothing ever rattles you. Life is still going to life. The practice is learning how to stay with yourself when it does.
So here’s something really simple you can try today.
Stop for a second and notice: Where am I bracing? Don’t analyze it or try to figure out why. Just notice. Your jaw? Your shoulders? Your belly? Your hands? Your hips?
Take a slow breath and see if you can give that place 5% more space. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Move your hips. Shake out your hands. Put your feet on the ground. Go outside and find a tree. You don’t have to make the feeling go away. Sometimes the work is simply giving your body enough support to stay with you while you move through it.
That’s what all these tools are for. And right now, I’m using every damn one of them.
If this resonated, I recorded a video this week with one of my favorite quick reset tools — a silly, surprisingly effective two-minute exercise for when you're feeling agitated or stressed. You're always welcome to watch it here.
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