More Pilgrimage Than Trip
So it looks like mom is taking her almost 17-year-old son and his friend to Indonesia next month.
Gulp.
I haven’t traveled like this in a while. I mean, I consider myself a seasoned traveler. But I’ve only been to Asia one time, many years ago. My son has been abroad once before too (Italy and Sicily years ago), but this is different.
I have taken teen boys on a surf trip exactly zero times. Much less to Indonesia.
This is one of those moments where I find myself looking up at God, source, universe (whatever you want to call it) and saying:
“Really? REALLY? Me?! This is what you want me to do?”
Gulp.
I tried to get out of this, honestly.
I had hoped his dad would take him. In truth, my son asked him first, not me.
He said no.
“Let’s go to Hawaii,” he said. “I could maybe swing that. Indonesia is too far. You need three days just to get there. You need at least a couple weeks there. No, not doing it.”
But we all know Hawaii is not the point.
Mike lived in Indonesia for most of his adult life. For the last 15 years or so, he mostly lived there, coming home to LA once or twice a year to visit family. He chased surf. Chased the ocean. And somehow landed in one of the most epic surf zones in the world.
And now somehow… we’re going there.
To the place he loved most.
I can see why this trip feels too painful for my ex. He doesn’t say that outright, but I can feel it. He never visited Mike there. Most of the other guys did - many more than once. They wanted to see how Mike lived. Or let’s be honest… they also wanted an epic surf trip.
But Mike built a whole life there.
An Indo family.
A different rhythm of living.
And now my son wants to see it with his own eyes.
So it’s me.
I guess I’m the one taking the boys to Indonesia.
And honestly? It feels like an honor. A deep honor.
To get to take my son to the place his uncle loved so much.
To meet Mike’s “Indo family.”
To finally understand what all the hype was about.
To see why someone would choose to live 8,977 miles away from where they grew up.
And maybe most of all…
To watch my son stretch himself.
Because this trip will stretch him.
In every way.
“He’s not ready for that kind of surf,” says the dad.
“His personality isn’t flexible enough. What if something doesn’t go his way?”
And quietly, to myself, I think:
Isn’t that exactly what makes this trip perfect?
This is what growing up is. This is what becoming is.
Not waiting until you’re fully ready.
Not having every skill mastered beforehand.
Not proving you can handle every possible outcome before you leap.
It’s stretching.
Learning.
Adapting.
Trusting yourself.
And honestly, maybe motherhood is too.
Because if I’m being honest, I’m stretching right alongside him.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Financially.
Energetically.
All of it.
But somewhere deep down, I know Mike is helping orchestrate this.
I can feel it.
Mike’s Indonesian friend says, “The boys will be fine here! We’ll look out for them.”
Mike’s Brazilian surfer friend living in Bali is helping connect them to a surf camp, and not “camp” like we think of in the States. A Bali surf camp is more like a whole vibe. A community. Surfers from all over the world living simply and chasing waves together.
And honestly, I need all the support I can get.
Because I am absolutely out of my league with 17-year-old surfer boys heading to Indonesia.
But I also don’t want my fear to hold them back.
That feels important.
There’s something about watching teenagers begin reaching toward the edges of themselves that requires us as parents to stretch too. To loosen our grip a little. To trust a little more. To let them become.
And maybe this trip is doing that for all of us.
This feels less like a vacation and more like a pilgrimage.
A pilgrimage through grief.
Through growth.
Through courage.
Through trust.
I am so proud of my son for initiating this. For following the pull in his heart.
And honestly?
I’m proud of myself too.
For listening.
For saying yes.
For not letting fear make the decision.
Gulp.
But we’re doing it.
If you’ve been sitting with a big decision, navigating uncertainty, or trying to understand whether fear is asking you to pause or asking you to grow, I recently shared a gentle video reflection on this very thing.
In it, I talk about learning to discern between protective fear and growth fear through a somatic lens, along with a simple body-based practice to help you listen more closely to what your own inner knowing might be trying to say.
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