This seemingly innocent experience from years ago is still holding my 50 year old self hostage. Rearing its head and reminding me that I am not capable. Maybe somehow this protects me from something and perhaps this coping strategy served me for some time, because most strategies do serve us somehow, even when not in the best ways, but I was ready to absolve this. I was ready to let my teen self off the hook. She didn't need to hold this and protect me anymore. My adult self has got her, and this. My adult self has the capacity to hold this for her, she doesn't need to.

It seemed too coincidental that these opportunities were all presenting themselves at the same time, but I still hadn't fully bought into it. It felt like a lot. Flights weren't coming together yet. Could I really pull this off?

I find myself really wanting to celebrate them. To truly honor the completion of this school year and everything they went through to get here. I can almost hear that familiar voice in my head saying, "You baby them," or, "Oh my God, why do they deserve to celebrate the end of 7th or 11th grade? That's just a normal thing all kids do. You're so soft!

Lately, I've been feeling oddly agitated and unsettled on weekends, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. Tight shoulders, tight jaw, irritability, a subtle restlessness. Even on weekends when I technically wasn't "on" parenting duty, I couldn't seem to fully relax into the moment.

It struck me recently how full of contradictions these moments are.

It’s grief and joy. Excitement and sadness. Pride and nostalgia. A beginning and an ending all at once.

There’s something about watching teenagers begin reaching toward the edges of themselves that requires us as parents to stretch too. To loosen our grip a little. To trust a little more. To let them become.

It fascinates me how much we overcomplicate everything. And honestly, it’s not entirely our fault. Our systems and conditioning are built that way. Filling out a government form can feel confusing even for the savviest native English speakers. Finding a new apartment, applying for a new job, navigating modern life - these things are overwhelming.

In recent years, science has begun confirming what many ancient traditions have long understood: the body processes far more of our experience than the thinking mind alone.

We also now know that the brain has an extraordinary ability called neuroplasticity, the capacity to literally rewire itself through repeated experience.

In recent years, science has begun confirming what many ancient traditions have long understood: the body processes far more of our experience than the thinking mind alone.

We also now know that the brain has an extraordinary ability called neuroplasticity, the capacity to literally rewire itself through repeated experience.

I see so many people seeking — seeking so hard to find peace, coherence, and meaning. Looking outside themselves — in others, in modalities, in anything — to relieve the discomfort and find inner peace.

We can learn all the things and practice all the things. But in the end, it’s only up to us.
We are the experts in ourselves.
We are the only ones responsible for our inner peace.

It’s not until I am back home, the doors closed, the house quiet, that the feelings begin to surface - if I allow them.

I am tired. And if I am honest, I don’t want to feel these feelings either. But I know better.

I know they will force themselves out in unhealthy ways if I don’t make room for them.
What we resist, persists.

When we don’t hold our boundaries… when we say “yes” but mean “no”… when we ignore that quiet inner voice, we often start to feel resentful. And what do we do? We blame the person who overstepped the boundary that we didn’t enforce.